Why Is Missionary Position Called Missionary

Alright, gather 'round, folks. I've got a tale to tell, a story that's been making the rounds since, well, since people started rounding things up. It's about the Missionary Position, that infamous name given to a certain, shall we say, horizontal hobby. Now, don't go blushing like a teenager at their first dance. We're all adults here, and today, we're going on a little adventure to find out why this particular position is called 'missionary'.

Let's Start at the Very Beginning

Picture this: it's the 15th century, Europe is in the grip of the Catholic Church, and the Inquisition is in full swing. Among the many things the Church was busy policing, sex was high on the list. Now, I know what you're thinking, "But how did they find the time? They had all those indulgences to sell!" Well, that's a story for another time.

Back then, the Church had a lot to say about how the deed should be done. You see, they were big on procreation, but not so keen on pleasure. So, they promoted a position that was, shall we say, functional rather than fun. The man on top, the woman on the bottom. It was all very business-like.

Enter the Missionaries

Fast forward a few centuries, and we're in the age of exploration. European missionaries are spreading the good word (and the bubonic plague, but that's another story) to the far corners of the globe. They arrive in places like Africa, Asia, and the Americas, and they're shocked - shocked, I tell you - to find that the locals have been doing the deed in all sorts of unconventional ways.

Now, these missionaries were nothing if not persistent. They figured, "If we can't beat 'em, we'll convert 'em." So, they set about teaching the locals about their favorite position. They called it the 'Christian Position', because, you know, modesty.

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But Why 'Missionary'?

Here's where things get a bit murky. Some say the name 'missionary' comes from the missionaries themselves, who were the ones spreading this particular position like, well, you know. Others say it's a euphemism for the 'mission' of procreation. But my personal favorite is the theory that it's a play on words, a joke among the locals who found the whole thing rather amusing.

You see, in many languages, the word for 'missionary' is the same as the word for 'penis'. So, when the missionaries were talking about their 'mission', the locals were thinking of something entirely different. It's like when your grandma says she's 'knitting' and you think she's making sweaters, but really, she's knitting a whole other kind of 'sweater', if you know what I mean. (Too much? Too soon? I'll show myself out.)

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And That, My Friends, is the Story

So there you have it, the tale of how the 'missionary position' got its name. It's a story of religion, exploration, and a healthy dose of humor. And the next time you find yourself in, shall we say, a spiritual moment, you can whisper a little thank you to those intrepid missionaries. Just don't tell them what you're thanking them for.

Now, I've told you my story, but I've got a feeling you've got a few of your own. So, go on, share them with a friend. After all, laughter is the best medicine, and who knows, you might just learn something new. Just remember, folks, if you can't beat 'em, convert 'em. Or something like that.