How Do I Masturbate In The Shower

Alright, let's dive into the wet and wild world of shower masturbation. Now, don't go all prude on me, we're all adults here, and let's face it, we've all been there. It's like that secret club none of us talk about, but everyone's a member of. So, grab your towel, let's get comfortable, and let's chat about how to make the most of your me-time in the shower.

Why the Shower, You Ask?

Well, for starters, it's multitasking at its finest. You're already in there getting clean, so why not kill two birds with one... well, you know. Plus, the water pressure can be a game-changer. It's like nature's own personal masseuse, working its magic on all the right spots. And let's not forget the steam. It's like your own private sauna, getting you all hot and bothered before you've even started.

Safety First, Folks

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, let's talk safety. Slippery when wet is not just a fun phrase, it's a real danger. So, make sure your shower is as non-slip as possible. Those rubber mats aren't just for your gran's bathroom, they're for everyone's bathroom. And please, for the love of all that's holy, don't use oil in the shower. It's a recipe for disaster, and I don't want to hear about your trip to the ER because you were trying to get your groove on.

Positioning is Key

Now, let's talk positions. No, not like that. We're not making a porno here, folks. But seriously, how you position yourself can make or break your shower experience. Leaning against the wall can provide some much-needed support, and the tile can provide a handy... er... handle. Just make sure it's not too cold, nobody wants a case of blue... well, you know.

Some people swear by the shower head. I'm not talking about the one on the wall, I'm talking about the one between your legs. A little water pressure in all the right places can be a game-changer. Just make sure it's not set to 'jet wash', you don't want to end up with more than you bargained for.

Toys or Not Toys?

That is the question. Some people swear by their shower toys, others prefer to keep it au naturel. If you do decide to bring a toy into the shower, make sure it's waterproof and non-porous. You don't want to end up with a moldy vibrator, trust me on this one. And for the love of all that's holy, don't use your waterproof phone as a toy. It's not worth the risk of dropping it in the water and having to explain to the Apple genius why you need a new one.

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Timing is Everything

Now, let's talk timing. Some people like to start their shower session with a bit of a warm-up, others like to dive right in. The great thing about the shower is that it's a controlled environment. You can take as long as you like, and you don't have to worry about the neighbors hearing. Just make sure you've got enough hot water to last. There's nothing worse than running out of hot water mid-session. Talk about a cold shower.

And speaking of cold showers, some people swear by them. The theory goes that the cold water can increase blood flow and make your orgasm more intense. I'm not saying it's true, I'm just saying it's worth a try. Just don't go from boiling to freezing in an instant, you'll give yourself a heart attack.

Clean Up on Aisle Three

Alright, so you've had your fun, now it's time to clean up. The great thing about the shower is that you're already in there, so you don't have to worry about making a mess. Just make sure you clean up after yourself. Nobody wants to find a used condom in the shower drain. Trust me, it's not a good look.

And while we're on the subject of cleaning, let's talk about lube. Yes, you can use lube in the shower. In fact, it can make things a lot more slippery and fun. Just make sure it's water-based. Oil-based lube can make a mess of your shower, and silicone-based lube can damage your toys.

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Surprising Facts

Now, let's talk surprising facts. Did you know that the average person spends about 1.5 years of their life in the shower? That's a lot of time spent getting clean. And speaking of getting clean, did you know that the average person masturbates about 12 times a month? That's a lot of... ahem... personal time.

And here's a fun fact for you. The longest recorded orgasm lasted for 43 seconds. Now, I don't know about you, but I've had showers that lasted longer than that. Just saying.

You Do You

At the end of the day, the most important thing is to do what feels right for you. If you like shower sex, then go for it. If you don't, then that's okay too. Just remember, safety first, and always respect your body and your boundaries.

And if you're still feeling a bit shy about it all, just remember, everyone does it. Even your gran. Okay, maybe not your gran. But you get the point. So, next time you're in the shower, don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly. Just make sure you clean up after yourself. Your future self will thank you.